Kamapuaʻa

24x30 Colored Pencil/Acrylic

Kamapuaʻa is the Hawaiian boar deity who spent the majority of his time pursuing the fire goddess Pele, who just wasn't that into him. Rather than say 'I respect your wishes', he said, 'Too bad' and kept at it. She relented, and their union produced the fertile lands of Hawaii. He can appear as a handsome human or a handsome boar, depending on your personal taste in either.

Story

The wellness retreat on the Big Island was supposed to help Kamapuaʻa work through his "relationship patterns," but three months of anger management classes had only confirmed what he'd suspected all along: modern humans had no appreciation for passionate persistence. His therapist, Dr. Chen, kept using words like "boundaries" and "consent," concepts that seemed absurdly limiting to a deity whose entire identity was built around the unstoppable force of nature meeting the immovable object of desire. The orange suit had been Dr. Chen's idea – apparently, wearing bright colors was supposed to project "approachability" instead of "predatory intensity." But as Kamapuaʻa stood on the resort's infinity pool deck, watching the sun set over Mauna Kea while smoke curled from his designer cigarette, he couldn't help but feel that modern relationship advice was missing something fundamental about the raw power of divine attraction.

The epiphany came during a particularly heated couples' therapy session with Pele, conducted via video call because she was "working through some anger issues" on a different island (specifically, by creating new volcanic vents every time his name came up). As Dr. Chen droned on about "healthy communication strategies," Kamapuaʻa realized that their ancient dance of pursuit and resistance had literally created paradise – the fertile lands of Hawaii were proof that some conflicts were meant to transform the world, not be resolved through meditation apps and boundary-setting workshops. His boar nature wasn't something to suppress with breathing exercises; it was a force of creation that demanded expression. The orange suit suddenly felt less like a costume and more like armor – vibrant, unapologetic, impossible to ignore.

By 2023, Kamapuaʻa had rebranded himself as a "transformational relationship coach," offering workshops on Maui that promised to teach couples how to "harness the creative power of divine tension." His signature approach involved expensive weekend retreats where participants learned to channel their conflicts into something beautiful and productive, just like he and Pele had done with the Hawaiian islands. The cigarette smoke wasn't just a prop – it was a reminder that all transformation required a little fire, a little destruction before the new growth could begin. His client testimonials were suspiciously vague but enthusiastic, and booking his services required signing an unusually comprehensive waiver. As he'd tell his packed seminar audiences while adjusting his perfectly tailored jacket, "Sometimes love isn't about respecting boundaries – sometimes it's about creating new worlds together. But maybe check with your lawyer first."